No Expectations

Today I pulled out the box I had put all my pre-pregnancy clothes in, and replaced them with maternity clothes.

I had a feeling I might be jumping the gun a bit when I washed and hung up all of my maternity clothes when I was just a few weeks along. But I was too excited.

It was sad to put them all back in a box. I kept them up for a while, thinking “Well, what if I get pregnant right away like last time?” But the fact is, I have no idea when I’ll get pregnant again. It could be soon. It could be a while.

So I put them away. And hopefully they won’t stay in the box for long. But for now, I’m going to get healthy, and write songs, and love on my toddler, and be happy. Cause life is beautiful. Disappointing at times, but beautiful.

#goPINKandBLUE

I had a miscarriage a couple weeks ago. By the way.

It was hard, but we spent some time grieving, and we are moving on, and hoping for better luck in the future. We are blessed to already have a beautiful little boy, and firmly believe that God’s timing is better than ours. It will all be okay.

I was showing early, so a lot of people already knew (and let’s be honest. I told a lot of people, even strangers. I just couldn’t help it).

and I’m still paying the price for that. It’s hard to answer “Hey! I heard you were pregnant! Congrats!” with sad news.

But I did what I do. I wrote a song about it.

I know a lot of my friends and family have had miscarriages, and found out it happens a lot more than you’d think. It’s a private thing that people suffer in silence, but because my experience was pretty public, I wanted to share it in the hopes that it can help someone else grieve.

So if you’ve had miscarriages, are having one now, whatever your case may be, I hope this song helps you like it helped me to write it.

Also, props to my friend Katie who told me that October was Pregnancy/Infant Loss Awareness month. I honestly didn’t even know that was a thing until yesterday. So that works out! #goPINKandBLUE !

 

 

One of those days. And then more days like that.

It’s been a long weekend.

I got ambitious and decided to make some Halloween pillow covers for our couch pillows. And some candy corn shaped pillows. Why not?

So on Saturday I take Jake with me to go buy fabric. But he was just crying. Like all the time. Just whining and crying and I eventually left Hobby Lobby cause it was just embarrassing to walk around trying to pick fabric while your baby is losing it.

And I decided Walmart would be a better bet. Less choices, simpler decisions, in and out.

But then that turned out to be a horrible idea, too. I found exactly what I was looking for, loaded a few bolts of fabric in my cart, and waited for the walmart lady to cut them to size.

But there was a lady in front of me. Who had literally a million yards of fabric.

I decided to walk around the store a little, and every time I came back to the fabric place hoping they were done, she was STILL in the process of getting all her fabric cut up/priced.

I’m standing there, hoping she’s noticing my dirty side glances, while Jake is just crying. Just sitting there in the cart, sad as can be. Which just added to my stress.

Then the lady comes over. And starts tickling Jake’s feet. And there was peace on earth.

I couldn’t be mad at her anymore. Don’t you hate that?

All of a sudden it hit me that MY stress makes Jake feel that way, too. When I”m unhappy, Jake can sense that and gets grumpy. So I changed my attitude, and started being happy, and Jake was back to his normal giggly self.

We finally got to the check out line, and the sticker for the fabric cuts fell off. So I had to go back. Again. To get all the fabric measured and priced. Again.

In the end everything was fine. But it was hard. Sometimes parenting is hard. And sometimes your kids are the ones who are screaming in the cart. And it makes you want to curl up in a ball and just scream “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

But your mood makes a huge difference in your children’s behavior. Even when it’s hard, its so important for your kids to feel like everything is okay. Even when you don’t feel great or are tired or just hate the world.

So here’s to figuring out parenting. And not judging parents in stores with crazy kids because we have all been there.

 

Men who should have mustaches.

There’s this creepy billboard that I see almost every day. We only have one car, so if I need to do errands, I take Mark to work in the morning and pick him up later.

But this billboard… I don’t even know why it has survived as long as it has.

It has three pictures, each showcasing a different area of a slender woman’s body. Tummy, bum, and boobs, covered in a skimpy pink bikini.

(I can see creepers reading this thinking “I like where this is going.”)

Next to the pictures is another picture. Of a man. With long hair. And a mustache. Actually I don’t think he has a mustache but it just seems like he should have one.

And he’s got this creepy look on his face. I can’t even… describe it.

It’s for plastic surgery. Obviously.

I’m sorry, but who in there right mind would let that man work on them? There’s got to be a classier way to drum up business. That man should be in a van offering candy to children. Not taking thousands of my money so he can “fix” the “imperfect” parts of my body.

It’s really just sad. And although sometimes I wish I could just go to a magic body doctor who could give me the body shape that I want, it’s just a waste. My body does a lot of good. It takes care of me. It takes care of my family. Heck, it made a baby. And birthed it. And fed it for months on end.

So no, Sergio, take your creepy eyes off me. You aint touchin’ none of this.

But really though. That billboard needs to not be a part of my daily life. It really just creeps me out.

 

Tips.

I’ve always thought tips were kind of a weird concept. And I always kind of hate eating out for that reason.

Which is why when I get my free Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity from IHOP for my birthday, or my free burger from Ruby Tuesdays for my birthday (seriously, I have an awesome list of free birthday food. March is my favorite month) I usually order it to go. So I can just grab the food and tip is not an issue.

But there are times when I genuinely like tipping. Sometimes we’ll get an outstanding server, and I love tipping them. Because it makes me happy to see people enjoying what they do and doing a good job.

TIpping is similar in music, and is something I rely on to keep my little music business alive.

Some nights I don’t get tipped much. I’ll grab the 3 dollar bills from my little tip jar, put it in my wallet, and kind of feel like I wasted my time. Not that I don’t enjoy going out and performing, but it is hard to put yourself out there, and then feel like no one cares. It’s hard to put a little tip jar in front, basically announcing to the world you’re hoping they’ll just hand you their money. But we do it anyway, cause that’s how it works.

But then i’ll have a night like last night. Where people tip. And tip generously. And come up and thank me for the entertainment. And applaud after every song. And give me requests. And ask if i┬áhave an agent.

Its so much more than pety cash. It’s strangers saying “I like what you do, keep doing it.” And it means everything to me.

And that money goes straight into my little music budget, and goes toward new equipment, or recording legit demos, or occasionally treating our little family to dinner. But pretty much all money that I make from music just goes back to making music.

So thank you. Those of you who support others in living their dreams and being who they want to be. Every dollar helps, and means the world.