Have you heard of Troye Sivan? He’s a fairly new name in pop music, and has an incredible voice. I don’t listen to all of his stuff, cause it is uncensored and some of it has language I don’t want to listen to. But he’s got a few great songs out that I’ve been addicted to.
This one is my favorite. It’s a duet between him and Alex Hope, and it’s just beautiful music. Check it out!
Remember those sunny days when your parents let you get all messy and muddy? When the little plastic pool was filled up with water (which quickly turned into a grassy swamp land) and everyone just jumped in, clothes or whatever?
I got to watch Jake have his first real day like that.
We have amazing next door neighbors. It’s awesome. We have never really been friends with our neighbors before, cause apartment complexes are kinda private and awkward and nobody wants to know who the humans are next door who always vacuum at the worst times and make noise.
But ever since our neighbors moved in, we spend a ton of time outside letting our kids play together. It’s so much fun to watch them all.
Saturday was especially nostalgic for me. Mark started washing the car, and before we knew it all the kids wanted to be hosed down, and we were filling up the pool, and kids were stripping down to panties and jumping in. And Jake was just delighted to watch all the fun happening. He wasn’t quite into getting soaked, but got plenty dirty anyway. Mud pies were made, children had to be hosed down, it was just completely reminiscent of a perfect day in childhood.
Pretty sure I’m gonna end up writing a song about this. It was perfect.
Life is good. There are hard times and bad days, but childhood is this amazing thing, and I’m so grateful I get to relive those days vicariously through my son.
So today was fantastic. Jake let me sleep in this morning, the sun was shining all day, I got a ton of cleaning done, and even got in a good workout. Plus me and Jake had good vibes like, all day. Lately that has been a little harder to come by, since he pushes my buttons to no end.
But today was good. I felt like a good mom.
Then as I was loading groceries into our car, a stranger pulled up next to me and started lecturing me about letting my son walk too far away from me in the parking lot. Said that it scared the bleep out of him, said that rear view mirrors don’t see little kids. Said I needed to keep him closer and be more careful.
So much for being a good mom.
And what sucked more than his critique was that honestly, he was right. Just like the guy who snapped at me at Costco because I had Jake in the main part of the shopping cart. And he happened to catch him standing up. And I was once again reminded of how little I actually know about parenting properly.
People have good intentions. I know that. But it’s hard when you’re doing the best you can and then someone who doesn’t even know you corrects you. And they’re right.
Needless to say, my mood changed. It shouldn’t have, but it did. I found myself getting really stressed out while trying to make dinner, snapping at Mark and Jake to just leave me alone and let me cook.
And out of nowhere, the waterworks started. I just started crying. I honestly don’t know why. I just broke down. Probably a build-up of negative feelings built up from that stranger in the parking lot and guilt for not being a better mom.
Mark came into the kitchen, found me crying, walked over and put his arms around me.
Then, Jake came in. He just walked over and put his little arms around as much of me as he could.
I looked at his little face, and he puckered his lips for a kiss. And then continued hugging me long after Mark had let go. And was incredibly loving and sweet to me the rest of the night.
I’m still emotional just thinking about that sweet boy and his compassion and love and it’s hard to believe that someone so young can be so intuitive and know just how to make me feel better. He is literally an angel and I love him more than I can hold in my heart.
Parenting is hard. We make mistakes. We make careless choices sometimes that risk our child’s safety or feelings or whatever.
But children are little blessings that are watched over by guardian angels to help catch our mistakes and protect them from harm. And thank goodness.
Parenting is a pretty thankless job. But tonight, in his own little way, he showed me that he loves me.
I’m not perfect. But that boy loves me.
I want to share some music with you. But not just my own.
I think I have pretty good taste in music. I grew up banging my head to Quiet Riot (mostly cause my dad is buds with their drummer). I grew up singing country Vince Gill songs (mostly cause my dad was buds with his guitarist). And cause my dad is buds with David Foster, I grew up listening to all the stuff he produced; I made my barbies dance along to Celine Dion’s epic long tributes, day dreamed listening to Enrique Iglesias, table danced to Whitney Houston, went through a Christian Boy band phase (Plus One), among many others. My dad was so involved in music as I was growing up, it was hard not to love it. From the cheesy jazz he had playing in the background at all times in our house to the full-production band concerts we went to every year while he played electric guitar for the army band, it was everywhere. And then my bff in high school was an aspiring opera singer, so I got a lot of that under my belt, too. And my husband basically just listens to Chris Brown. And Justin Bieber. So there’s that, too.
Basically, I’m pretty well rounded in my taste in music. And I want to share some of my favorite songs of all time with you guys.
These are songs that have inspired and impacted my life, been blasted in my car, been cried to, been played on repeat. These are songs that never get old to me. Some are popular. Some are kind of random. But I can almost guarantee you’ll be glad you heard them.
Music these days is a lot of trash. Everything is about sex, or big butts, or drugs, or just stupid pointless stuff.
But there is still music that has a message. Music that makes you think. Music that just feeds the soul.
So here’s a few songs. Enjoy! I’ll try and keep posting a new favorite every week, but these should get things started.
Matchbox 20- Unwell
Most people know this song from a ways back. But I still play it frequently. The banjo in this song makes me so happy. As soon as this song comes on, it puts me in a better mood.
Athlete-Wires
You’ve probably never heard this song before. It’s kind of random. My friend in high school used to look up songs from that show One Tree Hill, and she would pass on the songs to me. Some of the best music I’ve ever heard were the random songs she found. This is one of them.
I used to blast this in my ghetto mp3 player while at my local park, while swinging on swings, at night. It was amazing. The tempo of the swing would be just spot on with the song, and around 2:50 when the key changes, I’d get chills every time.
It’s a pretty sad song. I think it’s about someone attempting suicide and then being okay? Not totally sure. But the song isn’t creepy or depressing. It’s epic.
Savage Garden- Two Beds and a Coffee Machine
Remember Savage Garden? They were all the rage in the 90’s. This song has always been a favorite. It’s sad, but hopeful. I love a good piano ballad. I’ve known a few people who struggled with their families, whether it be because of abuse or divorce or whatever it was, and this song always makes my heart hurt for them. But it’s a beautiful song, and worth hearing.
Enjoy! And try not to get too depressed. Some of the best songs out there are a little darker and sad, but they’re real. And that’s why I love them. I hope you do, too.
And in case those bummed you out, here. This video always brightens my mood.
Jake is wonderful. Jake is perfect. Jake is also entering a whole new territory of behavior that blows my mind and makes me want to scream sometimes.
He hits, pushes, points his finger at people and yells at them (particularly smaller children who get scared and start crying at his display of authority), and officially knows the word “No!”
He also pets my head like a cat and mumbles sweet nothings while he strokes my hair. So like, I can’t be mad at him.
But there are times. And one of those times caught me off-guard the other night.
Usually after Mark gives Jake a bath, I claim my spot in the rocking chair, and toss pajamas that I picked out to Mark to get him dressed. But the other night, Mark claimed the rocking chair seat, and told me it was “my turn” to get him dressed. I used my usual “It’s my night off” excuse (that I always try and it never works). Nonetheless, I needed to get the kid in pj’s.
I called him to come to me.
“No.”
“Get your naked butt over here, silly boy!”
“No!” He then proceeds to run to the furthest corner of his room.
Finally, I get him, lay him down in front of me, and the kicking starts. And the flailing starts. And I only have seven arms, I can’t hold everything down. Every time I get a limb successfully clothed, it escapes in a burst of frenzy.
And then I snapped.
I don’t even understand what happened. I just got up, slammed his door, went to my room, slammed my door, and sat on my bed while i had an anxiety attack.
I felt like the worst mom. Who freaks out like that in front of their kid? What kind of mom can’t get their kid in pj’s?
A couple minutes later, I heard crying, and Mark left his room. He had put him in his crib to go to sleep.
We were both worn out and tired of his behavior. But I knew we couldn’t send him to bed like that.
I felt a surge of patience, and went into his room, picked him up, and held him.
I grabbed a book, and we pointed at pictures and turned pages together.
Then he slipped out of the room and started going downstairs.
Mark started laughing as he realized I had given in to Jake’s persistence.
And we all snuggled on the couch and watched Inside Out till like, 10pm.
I’m realizing parenting isn’t all about perfect boundaries and schedules and routines. It isn’t about being perfectly patient and composed. Our kids are going to see us face our weaknesses. Our kids are going to see us make mistakes. And sometimes they will deal with things that aren’t fair.
But I think if we can accept that, then parenthood is so much more fulfilling.
Sometimes, it’s okay to let your kid stay up late with you.
Sometimes, it’s okay to have snacks in bed.
Sometimes, it’s okay to lose our minds. As long as we recover and apologize and make up for it.
We really shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. Parenting is hard! Adulting is hard!
So here’s to mistakes, I guess!